Chai, the spiced drink of life!

At L's wedding, I got to wear a Lengha!

The Back Story
About a decade ago a dear friend of mine went to live in Africa and has since found her permanent home there with her now young family.  However, whenever we have a chance to see one another it is always over a cup of chai (aka tea).  The last time she returned home she brought me a new variation on spiced chai called Shaax.  Shaax is the African version and is made with canned evaporated milk instead of fresh (try keeping milk cold in some of the hottest places on the planet!).   

I was sixteen when I tried my first sip of Masala Chai ('masala' means spiced, while 'chai' means tea in many cultures).  I was at an Indian restaurant in the city where I live and they brought out this little pot with whole spices floating around in the steaming milky liquid.  I was in love at first taste and have never tired of making  this incredibly warming and delicious tea for myself and anyone who needs a chat and a chai.   

FYI: I always know the chai is ready when I boil it over all over the stove!  May I recommend keeping a close watch on yours until you get the hang of it or until you accept your fate as I have.... I will share both recipes so you can decide for yourself which you prefer.  I use a stove top glass tea pot with a built in strainer at home, but it was a long time before I was given this ingenious pot so I will write the recipe with instructions regardless of
the tools you have.

A quick word to my sweet friend:  Sweet L, I miss you!  How does the time go by so fast and how did our families grow so much?  I cannot wait till you meet my girl, she and Sophia are going to love each other! I think of you often and look forward to our next cherished cup of chai together.  I lift you and your family up and love you dearly.  Please hug your daughter for me, and your husband, and yourself and the new life growing inside of you.  All my love, Katie

Masala Chai

As with every spiced dish, once you read this, the recipe is yours to do with as you wish, so experiment and enjoy!  The recipe for Shaax is linked here on My Recipes.

Ingredients:

1 x 3" piece cinnamon stick
1 star anise
1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
8 whole cloves
8 whole green cardamom, lightly crushed
6 whole black peppercorns
4 slices fresh ginger
2 cups water
2 Tbsp loose black tea or 4 x tea bags (Darjeeling is preferred)
2 cups milk
1-2 Tbsp Sugar or more to taste (sugar is traditional and helps bring out the complexity of the spices)
1 tsp vanilla

1.  In a stovetop tea pot, medium saucepan or tea kettle combine the dry spices, ginger and water.  Bring to a boil.  Add the tea and continue cooking for 1 minute.

2.  Reduce the heat, add the milk and simmer on low for 10 minutes in order for the spices to infuse and the tea to get good and strong.

3.  Remove from heat, stir in sugar and vanilla and if using a glass kettle, serve.  If using a saucepan use a small strainer to carefully lift the larger spices out of the pot and them pour the whole mixture into a tea pot with a built in strainer small enough to catch the remaining spices (don't worry if you don't have the right tea pot, the tea I was served when I fell in love with this drink always had spices floating around). If using a tea kettle, place a small strainer over each cup as you serve the tea in order to catch the spices as they pour out (be prepared for a little spilling).

4.  Gather sweet friends or neighbours and enjoy one anothers company over a cup of chai!

Note:  You can also turn this recipe into a spice syrup you can then just stir into hot milk when you feel like it.  To adjust the recipe, just omit the milk and all but 1/2 cup of water and increase the sugar to 2 Tbsp. Cook to dissolve sugar, strain, chill and keep in a squeeze bottle for easy access.  You will likely use about 2 Tbsp of syrup for a nice big cup or a small pot of masala chai.

Sweet and Salty Popcorn!!

As with most things in my life, this blog has finally arrived back at food.  It`s not that I am obsessed or anything, it`s just that food makes me happy.  More importantly, it makes the people I love happy too.  Family BBQ`s, Sunday Football Snacks (GO SKINS!), a spoonful of peanut butter for my toddler, a handful of fresh picked tomatoes from the neighbours garden.  All of these shared food experiences make my people happy, and that makes me happy!  Go to the `My Recipes` page for Sweet and Salty Popcorn at Home.

Perhaps this is simplistic, but I think my husband loves me more because I feed him well.  I know he could love me if I never cooked again, but that would be cruel given the sheer joy on his face when his belly is full of fresh and flavourful food!  Even Tricia gets these looks on her face when she eats something delicious, realizing she is happy with what is in her mouth.  I kid you not, some days she barely eats.  The next day she makes up for it with twice the food.  It`s a sight to see.  AND she know what she likes!  Giver her a carrot stick but not a pepper.  Giver her broccoli but not a cucumber.  Giver her grated cheese, not a slice of cheese.  Wow, we are all unique.  When she gets a guava Popsicle I can tell she is disappointed (but we have to eat them up) since she knows what she likes and it is not guava, its LYCHEE!

The point is, my background is food and I feel like my future is food too.  It`s in me to make good food and I believe part of the reason for this is that I was taught to eat, to taste and to feed people.  My mother is an amazing cook, my sister too.  My grandmother was a pastry genius and the years she spent cooking at hunting camps gave her an incredible knack for taking simple things and turning them into feasts (hello moose meat pie!).  Growing up I also learned to preserve through canning and not waste anything.  I remember gagging when my mom would tell to cut around the bad spots in an apple or tomato since the rest was still ``perfectly fine``, ughh.  Remarkable to find myself years later telling my kitchen staff the exact same thing about a bushel of pears or a case of peppers.  Much to their chagrin, I`d happily grab some slimy carrot, hold it up and declare it good to go (in certain applications only of course and it wasn`t just one, it was 50 lbs worth, hah!).  The truth is, all the best food experiences have humble beginnings.  Even a slimy carrot, once peeled, blanched, refreshed and sauteed with a little salt yields a more than palatable end.

Making food experiences matter for Tricia will take some effort, but a worthwhile effort it will be.  No one with fabulous food memories can disagree.  I want her to love to eat, share, taste, create and get up to her elbows in the creation of food.  So while we will focus on healthy eating in our home, I will also have to confess that I found my passion for food in candy making.  My mom wasn`t going to buy it, so I made it instead!  So much fun was had, just not by my mother`s kitchen!  She was a good sport though, always asking if I had in fact read the recipe the whole way through before I launched into one of my creations.  Ultimately she got her reward; a certified chef, the manager of a neighbourhood cafe, a happy home cook with a good set of taste buds, a good eater with many favourite things and great kitchen in which to play!

Today`s recipe is intended to save us all some money!  I`m sure you all know that oh-so-good sweet and salty popcorn you can buy for $4-$5 a bag.  It`s all the rage.  Well, it`s also rediculously easy to make.  Here`s my recipe after some careful trial and error, I hope you enjoy!  Note:  there is one special piece of equipment needed so check out `Stuff I Like` for the details on where to get your own Whirley Pop Stovetop Popcorn Popper!!

Enjoy!!

One fish two fish red fish blue fish

Dr. Seuss has officially re-entered my life!  I missed those books and am happy to see them back again.  In fact, many of the books which are Tricia's favourites are books written before either of us were born.  A classic is a classic and good things don't go out of style.  For this post, I would like to get back to my point form stylings and give you some Classic Franks North updates.

Popsicles, or "popdicalle" as they are sometimes called - You may recall Tricia loves her popsicles.  So much so that in the mornings when I wake her up (she's always sleeping in) she often groggily informs me that it is not time for a Popsicle just yet, "no popdicalle, not yet".  I agree saying something about after lunchtime.  Tricia is often reminding Ryan and I that there have been boundaries placed.  Just last night she told Ryan in some sort of run on sentence that "no hit, just gentle; no soapy; no more potty treats, just one; and no suit." As the weather has changed Tricia has been a little depressed that she can't wear her swimsuit everyday....

Best Homemade Popsicles  

(thank you neighbour Amanda for this!)  

1.  Go to the juice section at the grocery store and buy tetra pack gourmet juice (i.e. the not from concentrate kind where the first ingredient is the fruit itself)
2.  Return home and open the box.  Pour into clean popsicle moulds.
3.  Freeze until solid and serve to everyone who needs one.

Note: After some experimenting our house fav's are Lychee fruit and Mango Nectar, they're uh-mazing! Please see Stuff I Like for the best ever Frozen Jewel Popsicle Molds.

Foster Family for Dinner - Another milestone this past week was a visit from our dear and lovely Foster Family.  I literally can't say enough about Tricia's guardians from birth to July of this year.  These dedicated sweet people aren't just caring for babies until they find homes, they are creating a home and a relationship that children can re-visit and stay connected with.  Sure Tricia is exceptional and even Dodo and Roy will tell you they have a special place in their hearts for her, but these folks treat everyone with such incredible care and having them to our house for dinner was an honour.  The best part was how little time it took Tricia to remember them and get right back in their arms for snuggles.  She even provided a pre-dinner dance show that wouldn't have ended if supper hadn't been ready!  When I dreamed of my ideal adoption scenario it looked a lot like this reality.  A whole group of people invested in Tricia's well being, willing to love her as she grows and in love with her because of who she is.  It doesn't get much better than that!  Since their visit last week every time I ask her if Dodo came for supper she exclaims "DODO, ROY, RAY" with tremendous enthusiasm and laughs at her own memories.  We can't wait for the next visit....

Letter to birth mom - Just wrote it today.  Kept it simple, caring and open with little tidbits about our girl.  If you think of it, we would love to have this letter lifted up in thought and prayer that it would be received in an appropriate way and that it might be the first of many.... thank you!

Ryan's Birthday - The Skins come to Toronto, and we've got tickets!! - Ryan is 31 and we celebrated with Breakfast in bed.  Then we washed all the bedding since we had that much fun with Tricia and Miley joining us, so fun.  We also took a trip to the zoo with Josh and Katie, had a family feast and had some special calls from Franks Central.  The big news of the day however was Ryan's gift from his oh-so-lovely wife of tickets to see our beloved Washington Redskins play at the Rogers Centre in October - woohoo!!  Dream come true!  Now, who wants to babysit??

Potty Training Update - #1s are off to the races, with almost no accidents and no diaper needed during nap time.  Hooray!  #2's are a different story and despite Tricia placing her baby dolls on the potty for "poopy" we haven't seen much progress.  She is upset when things go "a-muck" but not enough to make any changes.  Her newest funny thing is pretending to poop in a serious way with her face going red and not breathing she is "pushing" so hard.  Only problem is she is not on the potty and doesn't need to go.  Oh pieces, please come together, we're so close....hah!


Upcoming.... Swim Lessons - I will do anything apparently (including be in a swimsuit in the middle of winter) for my child.  No but seriously, it'll be fun.  We're going with friends and it's high time Tricia started learning some water safety, the girl is obsessed with water in any form and needs to know how to be safe.

Curry Feast for Nicole - let's link it to a stand alone page, cause it's that good (it might not be up right when this gets posted so be patient with me)! Recipes and how to's for a do-it-yourself curry feast just like we had for Nicole's birthday this past winter. xoxo my sweet sis-in-law. Link: http://franksnorth.blogspot.com/p/curry-feast-for-nicole.html

Keep the comments coming!  This tool has been therapeutic for me, the new mom, but I would love to hear from you (my readers) too.  Share your own story with us, or picture or anything at all.  I love my community of people from near to far, from here to there, and interesting things are everywhere!

PS - my sister Bethany and I are starting a little business and are preparing for launch as we speak.  More to come on that but we will hopefully soon have both our Etsy shop and website up and running.  For now I'll just share the name, Firefly Creations by Katie and Bethany, can't wait!

Franks North meet Franks Central!!

As the Franks family (well 8 of them) poured through the door in an excited rush Tricia bit her dad's hand.  Not too hard, just enough to let him know she knew this was BIG!  I love the idea of telling the world how you feel through your actions and sometimes overwhelmed could most definitely equal the desire to bite down on something reassuring, soft and firm.

The week of meeting some of the Ryan's side of the family could not have gone better.  We watched as our little extravert roamed the house, showing, telling, watching and laughing.  Tricia literally loved on and was loved on by everyone in the family.  See photo albums here https://picasaweb.google.com/113461846703736390919.  With some she was in their arms in 10 minutes.  With others it took a couple days but as a new parent watching our toddler assimilate, I felt sheer joy!  These are the folks who will be in her life from now on.  Granted, Tricia has an unusually large number of folks to get to know but you know how they say that children know where they belong?  Well, Tricia's remarkble sense of self has announced to me and everyone around her that this is where she belongs.  Mimi (Gma Franks) and Grandma (Gma McLennan) were love at first site.  Papa (Gpa Franks) and Grandpa (Gpa McLennan) were love at first silly.  As for the aunties and uncles?  Let's just say Tricia thinks them all quite attractive and has eyed them up, cuddled them up and snuggled them up.  Tonight she even said Maggie for the first time so clearly, yay!

The thing about Tricia is she let's you know how she feels about everything.  You may have noticed this is a theme throughout my postings but it is so fundamental around here I feel I need to touch on it often.  Humour me as I list yet more examples....

• The bird bath is a smallish dish of water sitting on the table in the garden.  For Tricia all water is her water and this water was just so inviting.  As we sat on the patio eating supper we watched as fingers dabbled, toes stretched up, clothes came off, and our girl climbed up to perch atop the bowl just before fully immersing her lower half in the "bath".  She stayed there for almost 45 minutes all the while talking and gesturing to herself about who knows what (see pics and let me know what you think she is saying) PS - the bird bath has been moved from the table to the garden safety purposes
• "I would like to potty train" became clear the night she peed on the potty on the patio with just her and 5 of the Frisbee team boys out back after dinner at roughly 9 pm while the house was brimming with folks (no joke like 30 people).  No treats, no nothing.  Just "yup it's time to pee for the first time" here and now.
• "Light!!"  Tricia is a little obsessed with light switches.  Also, she loves stools for reaching things.  Tonight Daddy said not to touch the kitchen light switches.  He said no twice and the second time was a serious discussion.  The third time Tricia was rushing not be seen and all of a sudden the stool gave way, Tricia's hands dragged down the wall as she smoked her face on the way down.  Bloody lip??  No problem, this is the second round of a bleeding face this week.  The first one was a face plant on the driveway (very sad for mommy and daddy).  Really Tricia doesn't mind these little mishaps as they equal snuggles and ice in a cloth to suck on.  She is fascinated by "bo-bo's", hers or anyone's.  That said, she did not notice last night when her father had his nose broken at Frisbee, or when we left her for the hospital, or when he looked horrible tonight. I guess she thinks he can handle it.  PS - clean diapers are amazing for blood collection.

the greater good... and a greater God

Guess what?  It's not all about me.  I have known this for years (in theory) but my attitude hasn't always been on board.  However, I have the found the cure to my selfish ways.  It's called parenting and it is the fastest and least painful way to get over yourself.  The reason is simple.  You love your child more than yourself.  You want the best for them more than for yourself.  You care more about their needs, than your own.  Hah!  I'm cured!!  Now don't let me fool you, it's not that I don't notice when I have to put my own needs aside.  No, I'm not that great.  I just notice and then move on to doing what's needed. 

Examples:

• Q: I'm not hungry, so why should I have to have dinner ready? A: Tricia is very hungry.
• Q: I hate swings, so why should I have to push Tricia on them everyday for hours? A: Tricia loves the swings.
• Q: I don't love routine, I get bored too easy, so why should I have to have one? A: Tricia is her healthiest and happiest when we stick to a routine.
• Q: If I don't feel like it, want it, like it or care about it, then why should I have to do it?  A: For Tricia.

Obviously my examples are small scale, but there is an underlying message that pervades.  It is the exact same principle that governs most of the lives of the people I admire the most and it is called healthy discipline.

Healthy discipline is the kind of discipline that seeps from the lives of those folks who put others first and look at the greater good when making decisions.  OK, now for a new name:  Living by grace, let's call it graceful living.  That is, my heavenly Father's grace.  Graceful living means living with a heart full of thankfulness, joy, happiness and patience.  When Jesus died for me, it was so that I could live by His grace, completely reliant on Him for my needs.  Well, when my daughter came into my life I noticed right away that my job was to give her grace.  Grace for everything, everyday.  She is two after all.  My Father in heaven, and by His example my earthly father too, have extended me so much grace in order to provide me with healthy guidelines (discpline remember) all so that I might grow into a woman who can in turn extend that grace to others.  I honestly thought I was pretty 'graceful' most of the time, but that was in my job and relationships with other adults who could take a little slip up from time to time.  The truth is I didn't know the half of it.

With Tricia in my life I can now see so clearly that I am just starting to find my feet in this graceful living.  She doesn't know about any of this though.  She honestly doesn't care.  She just knows that mommy and daddy are in charge and it's her job to live.  What an amazing thing.  She doesn't care that I have a migraine, I'm tired, my arms hurt from holding her, I don't like cleaning soggy cereal off carpets or catching her food in my hand as she spits it back out.  She only cares that I am there and she trusts that I have her best, her good in mind.  She trusts that I will provide, protect and love her unconditionally.  That I will do everything in my power to help her grow into a graceful woman someday.

 

How remarkable to look back and see the hands that have shaped me.  Then to look forward to the work my hands have to do.  On that note, I have breakfast to make.  A meal I prefer not to eat but have been preparing everyday now.  I think I will be making breakfast everyday for some time....

The photos are from Franks North's first family getaway to the Gleeson's cottage.  So many firsts: including boating, fireworks on the water, swimming in the lake, s'mores and more.  THANK YOU BITTONS!!

Living in the land of "Toddler-dom"

One of the things I admire about my dog Miley is the way she lives in the moment each and everyday.  I realize her perspective is limited.  She spends no time worrying (about anything) but rather takes each day and moment as it comes and reacts accordingly.  Well, the same can be said of toddlers.  I think if Tricia possessed the vocabulary she would have many comments.  I imagine she would say things like "Mother, what is this 'one more minute' you keep mentioning, I would prefer to go on the swing NOW!"  Likewise, a Popsicle or a pickle (both of which she pronounces "popky") she feels strongly should be "A legitimate food choice for breakfast, snack, bedtime or anytime."  She is not concerned with appropriate or typical behaviours but rather marches to the beat of her own drum in everything from appropriate behaviour in public to how to decide which outfits require a diaper and which do not.  Social norms do not apply in Toddler-dom.

I would like to entertain all of you lovely readers with a little list of occurrences I have witnessed in the last 2 weeks which give a clear and rather amazing glimpse into the realities of living in the land of Toddler-dom with all its joys and sorrows.  Warning: This list is in no way intended to discredit my daughters thoughts and feelings, or my own for that matter, but rather is a statement of facts and enjoyable memories....


Scene 1: Mornings

• Changed outfits 8 times, settled on skirt, no top no diaper.  Peed in skirt, had to change again.
• Morning is a great time to experiment with food choices.  Recent examples include pee water direct from the toilet bowl, hand soap, hand sanitizer, body lotion, toothpaste, chili oil, baby powder and lip balm
• Yogurt obsession.  Would eat 5 yogurts if given the option.  Being allowed only one is a let down every single day.
• Cereal is fine for breakfast though often milk and cereal are preferred separately.  Other days together is fine, you just never know.
• Getting dressed is fun.  Getting dressed in mommies clothes is uh-mazing! Mom's fav look of Tricia's was a tank top with bra over top.  Tricia's favourite looks include anything with straps or beads or shiny fabric. see pics

Scene 2: Lunchtime

• Eat what you can, don't stuff yourself, there will be snacks later.  Remember: Anything you don't want to eat can be put into the toilet bowl (container and all), mom takes care of it from there...
•  Pickle Obsession - anytime please.  Sliced, whole, doesn't matter.  Please ensure they are sweet though, none of this dill business, "blah, yucky".
• If you're starting to get tired during lunch, trying to climb onto  the table for a rest can work.  Just wait till mom gets up to go refill your ketchup supply (drinking it or spooning it direct to your mouth moves this along nicely) and then climb up!

Scene 3: Nap time

• Always brush your teeth before a nap, that way you get to eat fruity toothpaste and play with water.
• If having trouble falling asleep try climbing into the window behind the black out blind so you can see what is happening in the world beyond, just don't fall or get caught.  If you hear mommy and daddy coming, quickly dive back into bed and behave as if you would never dream of behaving poorly.
• If still having trouble falling to sleep, quietly get out of bed, get some books, get back into bed and tear those books to shreds.
• If still having trouble getting to sleep, bang your leg against the wall until your mother gives up on nap time.
• Mother's Note:  most days options 1-3 will suffice and she out so hard she has to be woken up or she would sleep forever.

Scene 4: Afternoon playtime + Dinner

• This is the time of day when mommy is making dinner so you can get into almost anything you want without being stopped since she is happy you are having some "independent playtime". Hah!
• Find a purse and dissemble it.  Anyone's purse, anywhere, anytime.  Watch your bags ladies.
• Pull all the clothes from the drawers you can reach.
• Try skating with mittens on your feet.  Falling down is fun and so are fits of laughter.
• Ask for some water or "wadey" and find a way to play in it, the tupperware cupboard is a good starting point.
• Wander in the backyard and check to see if any gates have been left open, escaping is a blast, but make sure you sprint away cause mommy is fast and can see you from the kitchen window.
• The gardens are full of dirt, try some, it's lovely for many things and can be put almost anywhere, including your mouth.
• Miley is fun, but she is always sleeping in her crate, boring!  Lure her out with your snack then climb inside.  Just be careful you don't go in too far or you will need mommy to get you out.  Head first is the most fun FYI.
• This is also the time of day when daddy gets home which is VERY exciting and he plays better than mommy by now so ask him for anything you have been wanting before mommy gives him the "update".

Scene 5: Bath time and Bed

• After dinner walks are great.  Though sometimes mommy and daddy try things like road safety training at this time and that is not ideal.  You can trick them though by standing on the curb, announcing that the road is "No TOUCH!, STOP!, noooo." and then they relax long enough for a jaunt down the road.  Daddy's face gets red when he catches you and he is very stern, but that passes.
• Bath time is the best time.  We sing "wash wash wash, scrub scrub scrub".  Soapy is fun.  Toys are fun.  Splashing daddy is fun and "powdy" (baby powder) at the end is the best part, though it doesn't taste good.  Who knew?
• Truly a Franks, at bedtime excitement levels sky rocket and everything becomes hilarious.  Toppling over is funny, running into a door is funny, being upside down is funny, sprinting down the hall naked is funny and mommy and daddy trying to calm things down is the most funny of ALL! 
• To avoid going to bed, try asking for a snack, or milk or another book or another book or escape from your room and run around the house as fast as possible.

In the land of Toddler-dom time is of no consequence.  The focus is on the activity of the moment.  Identify your feelings, identify your thoughts.  Be aware of your bodily functions and hunger.  Attempt to exchange water for anything else (even mommy's coffee liquor used for baking only).  When frustrated turn beet red and let folks around you know you are displeased, it's likely their fault anyway.

Can I just say I LOVE BEING A MOM?!!  Not even the worst tantrum can take the joy out of parenting such a vibrant and delightful tiny human being.  Thank you Lord for your good and perfect gifts.  Also Heavenly Father, just please help Tricia learn road safety before her father has a heart attack!  Amen.

Why did we adopt??

The burning question for sure... You know how we are all very careful (that is most of us...) to avoid asking women with protruding bellies if they are pregnant?  Well most folks seem to have a similar sense when it comes to the reason behind adoption.  I think they are afraid of the answer they might get, or afraid that they will seem nosy.  These are valid fears, and honestly, depending on the way the question is asked it can seem nosy.  I'll give you an example:

We received a beautiful package in the mail this week from Franks family Central for our little Patricia.  It was a box full of every exciting thing all tied up with notes and bows and signs and most importantly topped with a pink fairy dress and tiara, UHmazing!!  All of that to say that the lady who delivered the box got wind of the gift being for our new little one, who was napping and proceeded to politely inquire.  Sure, no problem, I'll humour you.  "My husband and I adopted her.  She's two years old.  No nothing is wrong with her, she is a healthy happy 2 year old.  Yes she was in foster care.  No it wasn't horrible, in fact it was the exact opposite.  Yes, they can be sad places.  Yes it is sad for her birth parents.  They weren't able to care for her.  They had their own issues".  OK!!  Leave NOW.... thanks.  What started out as a polite inquiry ended with more than a little discomfort and I am frustrated with how little room people give you to re-assure them that things are good; not hard, horrible, difficult or sad.  Oh yeah, and we are not adoptive parents because we are desperate or sad, or infertile, or trying to save the world and all the sad children.  In fact, it is none of those things that brought us to adoption and we require no pity, sad looks or remorse.  Our story is one of a family that had enough love to share and how God made that family grow.  PS - I can't figure out why this one video has no sound.  The others do.


As mentioned in my last post Ryan and I have been married almost a decade and all I can say is that we have had sooo much fun!  I always thought we would have started our family sooner, but as with so many things, my plans are not always the best.  It wasn't until I had finished chef school about 4 1/2 years ago that we actually started getting serious about babies.  So we tried all the usual things and had no success.  Wait.  Were we infertile?  So off we went to the specialist to get checked out.  Nothing wrong with either of us, huh.  But!  We were eligible for a whole slew of fertility treatments costing anywhere from $400 / month to $7500 a go for invetro fertilization.  It was on the car ride home from our appointment that the word adoption first came up, and came up again, and came up with our families, and friends.  We prayed about it, thought about it, talked to our friends who had adopted.  Our conclusions were drawn and we came to a realistic understanding of what adoption was, how comfortable we felt with it, and felt excited about the future.

All said and done, it was 3 years from application to Tricia's arrival.  We never had a 'what are we doing moment', not ever.  We weren't even scared by all the potentially challenging scenarios.  The truth is, we expect parenting to be difficult.  We both come from large families (5 kids in mine and 7 in Ryan's) and we have seen everything from language delays, ADHD, hearing problems, dyslexia etc.  At the end of the day, we wanted our family to grow, and biologically or not we were going to gamble on God's plans and not our own typical version of what a family should look like.

Sometimes people wonder if it would be impossible to love an adopted child the same as your own.  This is a consideration.  Now, I have no biological children of my own, so I can't spare too much time for this comparison.  But if falling madly, deeply and ultimately in love with Tricia came as naturally as breathing, then my guess is that yes, it is possible and then some.  The best part about falling madly in love with our first child is that Ryan and I got to fall hard together.  Falling in love with each other was amazing, but falling in love with Tricia together, well that was Awesome!!  On our ride home from the first visit, we both just about died of excitement, we were straight giddy.  That little face, little hand and feet, those blue eyes, that delightful smile.  To think that she is going to come home with us, ahhh!  Today even, when she was swinging dangerously high on the swing and demanding more I found myself stunned by her beauty.  She's even beautiful when she cries!  How is that possible?  In this she differs from her mother.  I look scary when I cry.  Let me tell you though, she is like us already in a million ways.  My dad recently made a great point that it will take a little time to get used to her not being a biological child.  "When I tell Williem he looks like his dad, or Reub that he is like his mom, what do I tell Tricia?"  My dad's tender heart never ceases to amaze.  "Thank you for asking, that is a great question!"  My answer?  "We tell her she is just like us.  We tell her she does things that are just like her mom and just like her dad and the things that are just her.  We laugh at all the things that are similar.   We celebrate both because we are all unique" (OK, I was not that eloquent in my answer).  Also, there is no way to spend everyday together and not be alike.  I find this with friends and co-workers, we end up adjusting our mannerisms and idiosyncrasies by accident even.  Not to mention Tricia's compulsive copying.  I can't believe the hilariously exact match of my voice and intonation she already manages.  She is a funny girl.  So is her dad, they go into her room for "bedtime" and I honestly believe a herd of hysterical elephants goes with them by the amount of banging and laughing that ensues.  Oh ya, and I copy her now too.  I'm getting really good at asking for "mo nax" (more snacks) and declaring anything gross to be "stinky yucky!"

I really love conclusions so here is today's.  When Tricia was born in Feb '09 it was during the same week that Ryan and I finished our mandatory adoption classes.  When I told God last year that I just wanted to be a mom by the time I was 30 I knew I needed to take a deep breath and let my plan go.  Of course the week of my 30th birthday, just 3 days after my deadline, Tricia showed up on our computer screen and we knew.  My plans are not His plans.  About this God is very specific, Jeremiah 29:11 "for I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord.  "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you a hope and a future."  He has a plan for me, for Ryan and for our family.  We just have to get busy with what He gives us and trust that the next plan will be equally amazing!